时间:2024-09-20 09:37:05 来源:网络整理编辑:探索
This post is part of Mashable's Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we're cele
This post is part of Mashable's Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we're celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love.
So, your sexual partner just came and you didn't. It's infuriating, it's frustrating, and it's — rather dismally — all too common during heterosexual sex.
I'm talking about the orgasm gap — the inequality in men and women's sexual pleasure, which affects an alarming number of women. A whopping 95 percent of straight men always come during sex, but a mere 65 percent of heterosexual women can say the same, per a study by Chapman University.
But, save living in a state of perpetual sexual frustration and faking your orgasms for the rest of your days, what exactly can be done about it? Well, these two words could bring us closer to closing the orgasm gap: Mutual masturbation (a.k.a. masturbating with your sexual partner).
SEE ALSO:Actual things you can do to bridge the orgasm gap in your own bedroomDan Savage, sex advice columnist and host of the Savage Lovecast, told Mashable he's long been "an advocate for mutual masturbation" in heterosexual relationships and for "straight people broadening their definition of what qualifies as sex." And, given that a recent study by Indiana University found that heterosexual women experience the fewest orgasms, it appears something is definitely amiss in the realm of straight sex.
Savage believes that straight couples should take a leaf out of gay people's books when it comes to bringing mutual masturbation into the bedroom: "A lot of the sex that gay people have is mutual masturbation, which a lot of straight people — guys in particular — don’t think counts as sex, or is some sort of tragic consolation prize." Savage says we need to reframe the way we view the concept of mutual masturbation, and see it as "the main event" rather than "a pity-not-fuck." "If straight people approach mutual masturbation as a rich and rewarding form of sexual expression it would improve their sex lives so much," says Savage.
orgasm gapCredit: vicky leta / mashableResearchers believe that sex education that fails to teach sexual pleasure, in addition to a lack of communication between sexual partners are reasons for the gap. While it'll take a long time to remedy these causes at their root, mutual masturbation combines non-verbal communication with a learning experience about a partner's individual needs.
Savage says if guys watch their girlfriends masturbate, they'll see "what it looks like when she makes herself come," and what is takes to get there. For 75 percent of women, it takes more than vaginal penetration alone to get there. "That's not gonna get them there, you need additional, direct, focused stimulation that a vibrator, a finger, a tongue can provide," Savage says.
"It really helps for men to learn a woman's particular needs when it comes to stimulation."
"It really helps for men to learn a woman's particular needs when it comes to stimulation, and what she needs on a plateau before orgasm, and what it looks like when she reaches the point of orgasmic inevitability, so that he can be a better partner to her," says Savage. "The only way for him to see that is through masturbating together."
How exactly should sexual partners go about incorporating mutual masturbation into their sex lives? Heather Corinna founder of Scarleteen, an inclusive sex and relationships education site for young people—says women need to make sure mutual masturbation is "really about what feels good to them." That might sound obvious, but this is to ensure that women masturbating in front of male partners isn't "just another way to give a partner a sexual performance for *their* benefit." Corinna says men should observe their partners masturbating, and "take notes."
For many people, the very idea of masturbating in front of another human being is daunting. Corinna says that's because "there's still so much cultural shame with masturbation," but it's important to keep in mind that this shame comes largely from the "same places that don’t support sex as being about pleasure for anyone, especially women."
But, in order for the orgasm gap to be completely fixed, Corinna says we also need "some changes in how women's sexual desire is treated, including by partners." Mutual masturbation isn't a performance, it's an opportunity for women to show men what they need in bed.
How do we move past any shame and nervousness we might feel? Savage has some advice that he's given to women before, which has worked. First, he recommends closing the door when masturbating while their partner is at home, so there's someone in the same house who's aware of them masturbating. Next time, "bring them in the room with you but blindfold them so they can't look at you, and you can't look in their eyes and read their expressions and how they're perceiving you," says Savage. After half a dozen times of doing this, take the blindfold off. By this point, Savage says you'll have "acclimated" to having another person with you when you masturbate.
"The first couple times they don't touch you, or maybe you lay on opposite sides of the bed and you're just aware of their presence," says Savage. He suggests sitting on your partner when you masturbate, and getting them to touch your breasts while you touch yourself. "You will get to a point where you will want them to see," says Savage.
"You're kind of masturbating about them while they're right there."
Still feeling vulnerable? Corinna recommends letting a partner know if you need "some extra TLC or support" or even "a wild cheering section." "If you feel extra nervous, trying a half-step like phone sex where you are masturbating but not sharing the visual experience might help you build some trust and comfort," they say.
Savage says he tells callers to his show to watch gay porn. "I say this to straight guys all the time: you want your girlfriend to come during intercourse? Watch gay porn and look what the guy getting fucked is doing. He's jacking himself off," he says.
Not only that, gay porn can also provide a valuable lesson in the art of being unselfconscious when masturbating in front of a partner. "What you always see in gay porn is guys rolling around with each other, stroking each other, touching themselves, incorporating self-touch into the touch from the other person that they're getting," he says. The "completely unselfconscious" mutual masturbation in gay porn shows "it doesn't mean your partner isn't attractive or pleasing to you."
"In fact, you're kind of masturbating about them while they're right there," says Savage.
Whichever way you look at it, mutual masturbation gives you the power to take this pleasure disparity into your own hands. The tools are quite literally at your fingertips.
This German startup wants to be your bank (without being a bank)2024-09-20 09:33
國足戰沙特全力爭取拿分 李鐵盼球員做好心理準備2024-09-20 09:27
媒體人:一個好的國家隊主帥應敢用新人 但現在培養出誰了2024-09-20 09:05
米盧曬舊照恭喜中國隊贏球 :紀念那時的我們(組圖)2024-09-20 08:59
Dressage horse dancing to 'Smooth' by Santana wins gold for chillest horse2024-09-20 08:49
馬德興接受搜狐體育連線 透露張玉寧被替換下場內幕2024-09-20 08:41
武磊 :最後一球我應該是沒碰到 11月希望回真正的主場2024-09-20 08:14
12強賽積分榜 :國足獲首勝擺脫墊底 積分追平日本2024-09-20 07:29
Watch MTV's Video Music Awards 2016 livestream2024-09-20 07:17
張玉寧賽前一天收到父親鼓勵短信 打開進球賬戶絕非偶然2024-09-20 06:52
We asked linguists if Donald Trump speaks like that on purpose2024-09-20 09:21
國足首發:張玉寧搭檔武磊艾克森 王剛劉彬彬登場2024-09-20 09:06
英媒:沙特財團即將收購紐卡 幕後老板資產達3200億鎊2024-09-20 08:47
國足防線再損大將 如履薄冰贏球對手越南僅是殘陣2024-09-20 08:42
Sound the alarms: Simone Biles finally met Zac Efron2024-09-20 08:35
因C羅回歸等原因 曼聯過去54天市值上漲5.5億鎊2024-09-20 08:34
國足首發 :張玉寧搭檔武磊艾克森 王剛劉彬彬登場2024-09-20 08:03
李毅:國足最接近勝利的一場 但未必像想象那麽簡單2024-09-20 08:02
Uber's $100M settlement over drivers as contractors may not be enough2024-09-20 07:36
國足前瞻:鐵家軍誓破三0尷尬 戰越南三分誌在必得2024-09-20 07:23