时间:2024-09-20 08:12:54 来源:网络整理编辑:知識
FROM: Green, DavidTO: Hobby Lobby Store ManagersSUBJ: We Are Restructuring Our Mission Statement (an
FROM: Green, David
TO: Hobby Lobby Store Managers
SUBJ: We Are Restructuring Our Mission Statement (and other notes)
Greetings to all of our lovely store managers,
I am Hobby Lobby CEO and founder David Green and I am writing this memo to announce that we are restructuring our mission statement to include a few things I have become suddenly, unreasonably obsessed with. You might have read about it in some small, unimportant places, so I thought I'd just clear it up here.
SEE ALSO:Here are the top 10 Beatles song according to me, somebody who just wants to piss you offI am a simple man with a simple background. In 1970 I had a dream to start my own arts and craft business that would cater to its customers in a caring fashion. That dream became a reality when I took a $600 loan and opened a small picture frame business in my garage. This small startup would eventually blossom into what we all know and love as Hobby Lobby.
A few years ago I fell asleep watching a television program about ancient Mesopotamian mythology and I was visited in my dream by a cruel beast. He said his name was Nergal, the ancient Mesopotamian God of Death.
Nergal spoke in a low, horrible voice that was physically painful to hear. His words felt like fire in my ears. I yelled in agony as he told me the story of the Irkalla Gate. That it was a portal from Irkalla, the Mesopotamian version of Hell, that would allow its inhabitants to enter our reality and spread unending plague and torment throughout our world.
This reminds me: I was in our Richmond location a few weeks ago and nobody helped me when I was looking at paints. Going forward, let's be sure to always assign someone to the paints- it can be confusing!
I learned that the Gate had laid dormant for thousands of years after humanity won a great struggle against Nergal. But since the Gate was cursed by an even greater evil than Nergal it could not be destroyed by mortal hands. Instead it was dismantled and hidden throughout former Mesopotamia, and all records of its existence had been destroyed to prevent any future civilization from rebuilding it in a doomed attempt to wield its power.
Few have heard this story. And even fewer believe it.
Also, please note that the Wall Decor sections and Wood Crafting sections have been combined into one section as of April to make room for the Summer section.
Since my encounter with Nergal I have become obsessed with the Gate. I can feel its pull at all times. It calls out to me to assemble it. And I will. This is why I have been secretly smuggling ancient cuneiform tablets under the guise of Hobby Lobby products. My aim is to decode and translate each tablet in hopes that it will lead to the discovery of the locations of the Gate pieces. My efforts have proved fruitless thus far, but my will and spirit have not wavered. I am the Gate Champion and I will succeed.
My passion for the Gate is matched only by my passion for arts, crafts, and home decor. Which is why I believe it is now time for the Hobby Lobby mission statement to be restructured to the following:
Hobby Lobby Mission Statement (UPDATED: July, 2017)
We here at Hobby Lobby are committed to:
Offering our customers exceptional selection and value.
Serving our employees and their families by establishing a work environment and company policies that build character, strengthen individuals, and nurture families.
Providing a return on the family’s investment, and investing in our community.
Reclaiming and rebuilding the prophesied Irkalla Gate created by Nergal, the ancient Mesopotamian God of Death, so that He and the wretched beings of Irkalla may once again reign supreme in this world and the next.
Thank you, and have a pleasant rest of your day.
Sincerely,
David Green, CEO
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
5 people Tim Cook calls for advice on running the biggest company in the world2024-09-20 07:58
庫昊半場創曆史慘遭誤傷離場!神龜暴走60秒擊碎一切詆毀!(詹姆斯多少屆全明星)2024-09-20 07:55
NBA全明星 :拚命防守到最後一刻 !詹姆斯隊1482024-09-20 07:39
意甲第20輪 :尤文圖斯VS蒙紮 、那不勒斯VS羅馬2024-09-20 07:28
17 questions you can answer if you're a good communicator2024-09-20 07:09
開門紅!保羅首戰總決賽砍29分,字母哥複出難救主,艾頓22+19(保羅總決賽錄像回放)2024-09-20 06:57
垃圾時間都不給上 ,湖人敲定11人輪換!他要為維特斯騰位置(公牛續約拉文)2024-09-20 06:37
歐冠16強全部產生 多特進球創紀錄 巴薩奪冠賠率居首(梅西轉會馬競)2024-09-20 05:46
We asked linguists if Donald Trump speaks like that on purpose2024-09-20 05:44
垃圾時間都不給上,湖人敲定11人輪換!他要為維特斯騰位置(公牛續約拉文)2024-09-20 05:42
There's a big piece of fake chicken stuck to this phone case2024-09-20 08:05
攜手“雅思”,運動科學研究院亮相,佳得樂如何打開中國市場遠景2024-09-20 07:47
原因導致保羅執意要頂薪,而杜蘭特卻能甘願降薪留隊(保羅有冠軍嗎)2024-09-20 07:25
丹麥隊公布2023歐洲混合團體錦標賽參賽陣容 印度羽協公布2023亞洲混合團體錦標賽參賽陣容2024-09-20 07:15
Whyd voice2024-09-20 06:56
本賽季首次亮相世界羽聯巡回賽 李怡婧/羅徐敏水平穩步提升2024-09-20 06:45
【意甲】2023年1月29、30日2024-09-20 06:37
2023年2月18日周六 阿斯頓維拉VS阿森納 英超賽事分析 !2024-09-20 06:34
Cat gets stuck in the most awkward position ever2024-09-20 06:28
比肩梅西,超越C羅 !本澤馬1戰6奇跡,利物浦球迷折服鼓掌(本澤馬在皇馬的搭檔)2024-09-20 06:17